"Should" is a 4 letter word

Last night I was blessed to be able to attend the second class in a series called Ground, Center, Shield, taught by the lovely Mari Powers.  The class is centered around learning to use our psychic gifts, something I think is greatly needed and I'm so thankful to Mari for teaching these classes.  I was so excited to run across her first class in the series, which focused on techniques for grounding, centering, and shielding.  As an Empath, especially being raised in an environment where the gift is at best not recognized and certainly not trained or developed, I have felt a great need for some sort of instruction in these techniques for years.  Books are great, but they can only get you so far.  Anyway, last night was the second class and focused on a variety of basic tools.  I almost didn't go due to some bad weather, but I'm glad I decided to go in the end.

One of the things we talked about was learning to relanguage - changing the way we speak and talk about things.  Mari asked us each to share one phrase we wanted to change and what we will replace it with.  Mine was to change "I should" to "I want to" or "I need to", but that didn't feel quite complete, I think because it doesn't involve any action.  It changes the words, but it doesn't really change the thought pattern.  "I should" is a huge pile of expectations that I get buried under and don't end up doing anything at all.  It becomes both an excuse and a weapon against myself.  So, first I added either "and I can" or "but now is not the time, and that's ok."  Mari didn't like the word "but" though, and changed that "and yet".  That still didn't feel quite right, but it came to me on the way home.  So now, instead of saying "I should", I will say either

I need/want to, and I can

or

I need/want to, and I will when the time is right.


I am releasing my fears that hold me back - fear of appearing silly, fear of not finishing what I start, fear of not being good enough or not being able.  I am giving myself permission to both take action and to not take action - to act, to do, to change one thing without feeling like I have to change everything.

"I should" means everything, all the time.  "I should drink more water" is really a whole bunch of messages about what I'm doing wrong and the totally unreasonable expectation that I somehow instantly change my habits with no regard for the resulting caffeine withdrawal or the reasons I drink so much soda in the first place.  It cascades into all the other "I should"s and the expectation to change all those things all at once too.  But since I can't meet that totally unreasonable expectation, "I should" becomes an excuse not to even try.

"I need/want, and I can" means one thing, in this moment.  Right now in this moment, I can choose to get a glass of water instead of opening a can of soda.  I don't have to worry about what I will drink an hour from now or tomorrow or next week.  I don't have to beat myself up for the can of soda I just finished.  "I can" gives me the power to do what is in front of me.  "I will" gives me permission to set aside the rest of the pile.  "I need/want" lets me discern where the idea is coming from - do I really want to make that change, or am I accepting societal pressure to be a certain way?  "I need/want" and "when the time is right" let me set a level of priority.  Rather than being buried under the pile, I can throw out the trash, put away the stuff I don't need right now, and have the space to work on the current thing.

Like a table that is piled high with clutter - you can't just set the table on top of the clutter and sit down to a nice family meal.  Nor can you sweep the clutter out of sight under the table and sit down to a nice family meal.  You have to actually clear the clutter if you want to be able to use the table.

Hats / Amy Grant

Hats... one day I'm a mother, one day I'm a lover, what am I supposed to do
Hats... working for a living, all because I'm driven to be the very best for you
Hats... it don't stop, no it's never gonna stop
Why do I have to wear so many things on my head?

Yup, that could pretty much be the theme song around here.  But underneath all those hats... who's Peri?